You can fall in love at first sight, says science
Science explains why love happens so quickly
Science explains why love happens so quickly
Cue the eye roll every time a contestant on a reality TV dating show says "I鈥檓 falling in love with you"... after spending approximately 457 seconds with the person. But if you've ever wondered how long it takes to fall in love, you may be surprised to hear this: That contestant may not be full of it.
Physiologically, it takes just a fifth of a second for all those make-you-crazy chemicals to fire at once and produce that in-love feeling, research published in nearly a decade ago.
If that seems very fast, it kind of is. Technically, you need only an hour with a stranger, plus these and you can fall in love with anyone, according to research published in the .
show that men wait just 88 days (that's under three months) to say those three little words to their partner for the first time, and 39% say them within the first month. Women, on the other hand, take an average of 134 days.
If you're getting intimate with this person, expect those mushy feelings to reveal themselves faster 鈥� release bonding hormones, especially in women.
And even if your significant other hasn't verbalized those feelings, they may still be thinking them. found that men, in particular, considered fessing up to their love six weeks before women did. So if you think he鈥檚 behind, he鈥檚 probably actually way ahead of you.
Of course, in the real world, you probably want to be sure your partner is employed and isn't still living with his mother before love chemicals start hijacking your brain. Problem is, that can be tough.
Some science suggests love at sight exists. Here鈥檚 why:
You're wired for love, whether you want to be or not.
鈥淭he brain is naturally selected to focus on , even if you鈥檙e not consciously intending to do so," says , Ph.D., founder of the , professor emerita at California State University, and author of "."
"Your brain is focused on survival, and reproduction is the pinnacle of survival.鈥� So romantic, eh?
Regardless of the cause, falling in love feels GOOD. A culmination of several happy chemicals in your brain create a sensation of euphoria that's akin to hit of cocaine, have shown.
If you think you鈥檙e falling hard 鈥� whether it鈥檚 someone you鈥檝e known for years or someone you went on one measly date with 鈥� here鈥檚 why you鈥檙e starting to swoon:
A dopamine surge in your brain kicks off the love fest.
Dopamine is a hormone based on the expectation of a reward that meets your needs. Breuning gives the example of walking into a bar and checking people out. 鈥淵ou have a specific idea of what it takes to meet your needs based on past experiences,鈥� she explained.
As you scan the room, you think: That one. The chase is on. You may not be a tiger, but you like the pursuit of your potential soulmate. Who doesn't?
Then, oxytocin comes into play.
Think about oxytocin as the love hormone associated with attachment.
Social isolation was a threat during cavewoman days, and your 鈥渕ammal brain鈥� is operating under the cards evolution has dealt it, says Breuning. As such, a release of oxytocin helps bond you to a potential romantic partner.
Oxytocin, which women release by the boatload after sex with a mate, also builds trust. (Whether or not they deserve that trust is another matter.)
Serotonin finishes off the love cocktail.
Consider serotonin a status hormone. 鈥淎nimals are hierarchical 鈥� when you get a higher-ranking partner, it improves the survival of your young,鈥� says Breuning.
What does that mean for you in modern times? You may be attracted to that winning athlete, the person with a cool job or the jet-setter.
In the animal kingdom, these things matter, too 鈥� and it doesn鈥檛 mean you鈥檙e vapid if it matters to you, too. At the end of the day, this serotonin-status hit can push you to fall in love.
OK, so my brain鈥檚 in love. Now what?
Time to shake it up and see what happens.
As you two get to know each other, dopamine is surging and the anticipation that you can land them can give you the kick you need to start to emotionally invest.
If they also have the right status (triggering serotonin) and proximity to you (stimulating oxytocin) 鈥� and you have positive expectations about the whole thing 鈥� you鈥檒l get hit with all three hormones at once.
鈥淭hat鈥檚 not something that happens all the time,鈥� says Breuning. The result? You're falling in love.
Should I be concerned about falling in love too quickly?
Here's the thing: 鈥淭hese brain chemicals are designed to motivate you to take action to seek an unmet need," says Breuning. "Once that need is met, those chemicals are no longer stimulated."
In other words, your brain effectively says,鈥淵ou found the one. Now what?鈥�
For some, the answer may be to continue searching and chasing that high . 鈥� aka or physical cheating. For others, the end result may be feelings of unhappiness.
Another potential snag, especially in this modern age of social media, is the tendency to compare your partner and relationship to others'.
After the rush of excitement has worn off, 鈥測our brain focuses on the unmet need," says Breuning. "Your partner may have 500 good qualities, but your brain will focus on the 10 they don鈥檛 have."
Common thoughts like, What does everyone think of my partner? or What romantic dates do other people鈥檚 partners take them on? are threatening. They give you a grass-is-greener mentality, even when you're with a solid and worthy match.
So what do you do? After you fall in love, bask in it. But remember that your brain will soon wants a new dopamine-oxytocin-serotonin hit.
Try not to fall into the trap of comparisons 鈥� remind yourself why you went for your partner in the first place, says Breuning. And don't forget to go after the things that drive you, like a higher position at work or .
That will help ensure those heart-eye-emoji feelings stay put for a happily ever after 鈥� no matter how quickly (or not) you fell in love.