How to talk to older people in your life about scams
This summer, Daniel Goldstein鈥檚 86-year-old mom got an email that looked like it was from her bank. She was alarmed because she hadn鈥檛 spent the money it mentioned, so she called a help number on the email. The person on the other end of the line asked for her bank account information and made her believe she would get her money back. Instead, she lost $600 to a scammer.
Last year, consumers of all ages were scammed out of $8.8 billion. And older adults lost the most money compared to other age groups, according to the Federal Trade Commission.
While everyone wants to protect their parents and grandparents from scammers, sometimes these conversations can be complicated to navigate.
鈥淲e encourage people to think in multigenerational approaches. Everyone is getting scammed, it鈥檚 just a different way that scammers go after you,鈥� said Genevieve Waterman from the National Council on Aging.
From having a lot of empathy to knowing how to report a scam, experts shared their recommendations for talking about scams:
KNOW WHICH SCAMS COMMONLY TARGET OLDER PEOPLE
Knowing which scams are most commonly used to target older people can help.
Two of the most common are the 鈥済randparent鈥� scam and romance scams, said Kathy Stokes, director of fraud prevention at AARP.
The grandparent scam is when someone gets a phone call from a person impersonating a grandchild and asking for money to get them out of trouble. The first step to avoid this is to call other family members before taking any action, the FTC recommends.
When it comes to romance scams, the FTC reported that people lost $1.3 billion in 2022. Scammers usually contact people through social media and then move the conversation to other messaging apps such as WhatsApp or Google Chat.
鈥淎 lot of older adults are now going into the online dating world, they鈥檙e making a lot of online conversations, having a lot of dates, but that leads them to scammers who are then convincing them to give them money and send it overseas,鈥� Waterman said.
What starts as a simple conversation turns into a sudden romantic connection. But then the person asks for money because something happened in their lives and they need help. According to the FTC, common lies by scammers include 鈥淚 or someone close to me is sick, hurt, or in jail鈥� and 鈥淚 can teach you how to invest.鈥�
Other common scams are investment scams, tech support scams, and impersonation scams. You can read more about these on the .
HAVE CONSTANT CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SCAMS
One of the best ways to raise awareness about scams is to talk to each other about them. To keep your older family members safe, Waterman recommends that families talk about scams more often in their day-to-day lives.
鈥淚 love the idea of sitting around the table and talking about (scams) and making it more common,鈥� Waterman said.
Goldstein said his mom knows how to use technology fairly well and they've had many conversations about email scams. However, she had never encountered the type of scam she was targeted by over the summer.
Because she felt a sense of urgency, she didn鈥檛 contact her son before calling the scammer. Goldstein believes that could have prevented her from losing money.
It鈥檚 a common practice for scammers to make victims feel like they need to act right away, which makes them more vulnerable to falling for a story that might not seem plausible if they weren鈥檛 under pressure. If you鈥檙e having a conversation about scams with your family members, it鈥檚 important to highlight the rushing aspect of scam practices.
INFORM, DON鈥橳 IMPOSE
When you are navigating complicated conversations, it's better to take an informative approach rather than an authoritative tone. Because your parents or grandparents have a lot of expertise in other life topics, if you approach a conversation by imposing your ideas, it might not have the best effect.
When Stokes has conversations with her mom about scams, she approaches the conversation by saying that she heard about a new type of scam and asks questions such as 鈥淲hat do you think about this?鈥� instead of using language like 鈥淗ey mom, there鈥檚 this scam, don鈥檛 fall for it.鈥�
Waterman also recommends that you have conversations as a family, including younger members of your family, and make sure you make it clear that scams target everyone regardless of age.
鈥淚t鈥檚 about staying vigilant together as a family unit and not to challenge that older adult but just to explain that (scams) are becoming more sophisticated,鈥� Waterman said.
If you鈥檙e looking for guides to avoid scams for older adults, you can find a variety of them on the .
BE EMPATHETIC IF THEY FALL FOR A SCAM
If your family member has already lost money to a scam, Stokes recommends that you approach the conversation with a lot of empathy.
鈥淲e tend to blame the victim,鈥� Stokes said. 鈥淲hen you are faced with another adult in your life who has experienced a scam loss, understand that it鈥檚 a crime.鈥�
Stokes encourages people to think about scammers as organized groups with many resources, rather than a random person calling from their mom鈥檚 basement. Stokes says that people should think of these crimes at the same level as others and therefore have empathy for the victims.
DISCUSS A PLAN IN CASE THEY ENCOUNTER A SCAMMER
A few days after the scam took place, Goldstein鈥檚 mom told him about it.
鈥淪he was really unhappy and I鈥檓 like 鈥楳om, why didn鈥檛 you call me?鈥欌� said Goldstein, who felt frustrated by the situation.
Part of Goldstein鈥檚 frustration came from the fact that he had a system with his mom where she would call him if she ever felt like something was wrong. However, he also felt bad for his mom because she was embarrassed that she was a victim.
While being online is now part of most people鈥檚 lives, older adults have a harder time adapting to some aspects of the internet, which can make them more vulnerable, Waterman said.
鈥淥lder adults have been thrown into the virtual world during COVID without any digital literacy training or navigation in general,鈥� Waterman said.
To combat the anxiety and provide information about scams, the AARP has a . This helpline guides people worried about being scammed or emotional support for those who have experienced fraud.
TEACH FAMILY MEMBERS HOW TO REPORT A SCAM
If you or a family member is a victim of a scam, it's good practice to report it. You can report a scam on the .
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